As a life coach, I often talk about courage, especially in women. But if you’d asked me years ago what courage looked like, my answer would be very different from what it is today.
Back then, I saw strength as a hardened shell—the kind of strength that stands firm no matter what. When life became challenging, I responded by becoming tougher, more willful, and more determined to win at all costs. I thought that was what it meant to be strong. I was encouraged to stay on that path by those around me, and I encouraged others to do the same.
But then, life showed me a different side of strength.
In one of the darkest times of my life, I had a conversation that changed everything. A friend I deeply admire—let’s call her Lily—opened up to me in a way I had never seen before. Lily is a well-known author, activist, and mother, and I had always looked to her for advice when life got tough. I expected her to cheer me on, as she always had. But this time was different.
Instead of offering encouragement to keep fighting, she shared something deeply personal—her own experience with emotional abuse. She didn’t tell me to do anything specific; she didn’t offer solutions. Instead, she showed me her vulnerability.
It’s funny how you can hear something over and over, but it doesn’t truly resonate until the right person says it at the right time. Lily had heard me talk about the betrayals in my relationship for years. But during that call, she helped me understand what emotional and mental abuse really looked like. For years, I had brushed off the idea that my situation fit into that category, but Lily helped me see it differently—not through force, but through her openness.
That moment shattered my previous understanding of what it meant to be strong. For the first time, I realized that true courage wasn’t about hardening yourself. It was about being brave enough to show vulnerability, to ask for help, and to face the truth—even when it’s uncomfortable.
Shortly after that conversation, I went through another painful episode with my ex. And this time, I did something I never thought I’d do: I called an abuse hotline. Even now, it feels surreal to think that my life came to that point. But that call was one of the most important steps I’ve ever taken.
It wasn’t the advice I received on the hotline that made the biggest difference (although it did help me in the moment). The true transformation happened afterward. I realized that asking for help wasn’t a sign of weakness—it was a breakthrough. After that call, I started reaching out to others who I thought could help, and what I discovered was that support had always been within reach. I just had to be willing to accept it.
This shift in perspective completely transformed my life. I found a therapist who helped me untangle myself from the toxic relationship I was in, and I started the long but rewarding journey of healing.
I’m sharing this because, just like Lily’s words impacted me, I hope my story can help someone else recognize the strength in vulnerability. Sometimes, all it takes is one conversation, one story, or one moment to open your eyes and change the direction of your life.
Reflection Questions for Your Journey:
What does courage mean to you? Does it always mean standing strong, or can it mean reaching out when you need help?
Are there areas in your life where you’ve mistaken toughness for true strength?
Who can you reach out to today that might help you move forward?
With love & respect,
Magdalena
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