When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time.
―Byron Katie
Today, I'm going to share a personal story with you. It's about a time when I thought I was above the concept of self-love and the journey I took to understand its true meaning.
I always considered myself a resilient person. I was a young single mother who put herself through college with a part-time job, college grants, and lots of help from friends and family. I believed my determination and resiliency were all I needed. When I heard others talk about self-love, I thought they were weak and dismissed the concept as mushy nonsense, certainly not for me, or so I thought.
At age 34, my daughter and moved New York city with my new partner, whom I thought would be my forever spouse. At age 37, we had a child together, and life was good for many years. His career meant that we traveled from country to country, and I was okay with that despite feeling very isolated most of the time. But, I really believed that the sacrifice was worth it. I was wholly dedicated to making life for my family as beautiful, fun, and healthy as possible.
Until I encountered a situation that shook me to my core. One day, my partner told me he was moving in with his lover! He spoke these words to me without a hint of remorse. In an instant, my life fell apart. I had been living a lie.
Only later did I learn that my relationship had been a co-dependency with a narcissist. Although he never moved in with his lover, the betrayals continued. He triggered unconscious behaviors in me, and I did the same for him. His narcissism was more potent than my willful stubbornness, and finally, I was destroyed. I began to believe his lies and started doubting every aspect of myself. The self-judgment, the rage and the depression were all-consuming.
It was during my healing journey that I finally became open to self-love. I began to understand that there was a difference between loving my personality, or the persona I presented to the world, and truly loving myself.
The journey to self-love took a lot of work. It required me to first develop self-awareness. I had to confront and acknowledge the fears, insecurities, and negative thought patterns that I had been hiding behind my robust and resilient facade. I had to learn to observe my thoughts and feelings without judgment and understand how they impacted my life. Gradually, I began to see myself more clearly, understand my needs and desires, and make choices aligned with my true, authentic self.
I learned to practice self-compassion and treat myself with the kindness and understanding I would offer a dear friend. True self-love was about forgiving myself for my mistakes and acknowledging my worth, not because of what I could do or achieve but because it was my God-given birthright.
Self-love has allowed me to trust life again, to become empowered, authentic, and courageous, not as a defense mechanism but as a celebration of my life.
So, dear readers, if you dismiss the concept of self-love, please reconsider. It is an empowering practice we all deserve--and, there is nothing mushy about being empowered!
With love & respect,
Magdalena
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